Trapped in Routine: Hoping for a Drastic Escape from Life’s Unfair Cycle

 Every morning, I wake up with a heavy heart. Depression has been my companion since high school, and while I've grown used to it, it never gets easier. I drag myself to work, a place I hate, because life seems like a never-ending cycle of unfairness. I’ve tried to improve my situation, put in the effort, but nothing seems to change. Every step forward, life pulls me two steps back. Bad luck? Maybe. Or just the way the world works.

I used to take antidepressants. They helped, sort of, but they came with a price—sleeping at my desk, groggy during meetings. It wasn’t long before I had to stop, as work life and pills just didn’t mix. Now, I’m trying to get used to this grind, pushing through each day, hoping that one of the online projects I’m working on will finally free me from this cycle.

Movies, fitness, and saving money fill my time outside of work. I’m trying to build something bigger, to create a life that’s worth living. I’m not one to sit around and accept things as they are, but lately, I can’t help but feel that only something drastic will really change anything.

With Israel and Iran seemingly edging closer to war, I find myself wondering if World War 3 is on the horizon. It’s a dark thought, I know, but being drafted might be the escape I need.

Is it wrong to hope for something so destructive? Maybe. But it might be the only thing that brings an end to this chapter of my life.